Your Guide to Being Better Than Everyone Else #1.5: Use More Quotations pt. 2

The inaugural edition of Being Better Than Everyone Else appeared on an infinitely superior blog, Its Quiet Outside.

Here we'll explore a similar lesson. Using quotations marks in text and verbal "air quotes" will no doubt tell the world that you are better than them, but the lesson on using actual quotations will scream that fact right into the world's incompetent little ears. If you follow this simple lesson, you will no longer have to deal with people who only suspect that you think you are better than them.

Step 1: Memorize a vague yet important sounding quote from a literary giant, the more obscure the better.

Step 1 in action: "I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps." -Gandhi

The beauty of this quote is that it is by Gandhi and it is very versatile. If you walk around following this guide you are bound to run into a gaggle of people who will assume you are wrong, even if that is completely impossible. Running into one of these walking mental defects will present you with a perfect opportunity to use famous quotations liberally.

Step 2: Apply your vast intellect.

Step 2 in action:
Roommate- "Did you stick your dick in my peanut butter jar?"

You- "Why do you ask my good man?"

Roommate- "Well, because I can see the imprint of a dick in it and there are pubes stuck in the top. So, did you stick your dick in there or what?"

You- "As Gandhi said, 'I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.'" Then you karate chop him in the ear.

Now you can see how useful this approach can be. Just memorize a few vague quotes by obscure authors or historical figures and watch how everyone around you will assume that you were a Rhodes scholar who spent a year at Oxford. You can instantly let everyone know how intelligent and important you are with just a few more words than yelling at poor people as you splash them with puddles while you speed by in your BMW.