Dave Coulier was not behind the counter

Found this awesome liquor store in San Francisco. I thought I'd see Joey Gladstone working for sure, but alas I had no such luck.

I've got some sinnin' to do!

I had an interesting experience a few weeks ago following a church softball game. I play on said softball team. I am not a member of the church and I do not go to the church. I just play on their softball team. Well, every week after we finish playing, both teams gather together for a prayer session.

Normally I just stand toward the back respectfully silent. The usual prayer session starts by asking for prayer requests. These requests most often come from people with sick family members and things like that, completely understandable requests. A few weeks ago when the call for requests was made nobody was speaking up. Eventually, a guy started to speak. It was his first week playing for us. Apparently he had just joined the church recently. Anyway, he requested that we pray for his sin of lust. Now because no one had really spoken up about requests I thought this new guy might be just trying to lighten the mood. So what do I do? I start clapping my hands and saying things like, "who doesn't need help with sins of lust." That was followed by a hearty laugh from me. I thought it was pretty funny, but I noticed a lack of laughter from the rest of the group. This caused me to look around the group where I noticed that many people were simply staring at me with a blank look on their face. No big deal I thought, it was funny to me but I guess lust jokes don't go over well with the church crowd. Finally, the new guy spoke up again and clarified by saying that he was serious and that he had an addiction to pornography and masturbation. This only made things more awkward. For the duration of the prayers I just kept my head down and left quickly upon the completion of the prayers.

Personally, I'm not sure that guy has a problem unless he's masturbating so much that he can't hold down a job. At any rate this was an excellent example of me sticking my foot in my mouth. I will maintain that my joke was funny and that it is off-putting for the new guy to reveal that much personal information to people that he hardly knew.

Questions, comments, complaints?

Quote of the post: "Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of children."

Scheel/Schultz

Like Frost/Nixon, get it?

I had a very intense and entertaining conversation with a friend tonight. We'll call "Adam" for the sake of anonymity. Here is my best recreation of the dramatic events that unfolded. Most of this conversation was half-serious so take it with a grain of salt. I don't want any hate mail.

The original context is that we were talking about plans for the end of the summer.

"Adam S." - ...Well I have to be back in town by *redacted*

DS - Why?

"AS" - Because there is a wedding I have to go to. The reception is a few block from my apartment so I am pretty excited.

DS - I can see wanting to be back for the reception, but are you really going to go to the wedding?

"AS" - Yeah

DS - I have a proposition. We hang out at your apartment during the wedding. Then we get all dressed up like we went to the wedding and just show up at the reception. Just like that episode of Scrubs when Jordan convinces Dr. Cox to do the same thing. You just say you were at the wedding and talk about how beautiful it was. The plan is foolproof.

"AS" - People will notice I'm not at the wedding. I am going to the wedding.

DS - Let me reframe the issue: Do you want to go to the wedding? I just want to understand your motivation.

"AS" - I have never wanted to go to any wedding.

DS - Then why are you going? Out of some social obligation for you to do something you don't want to do? The reason I always liked you was because you were never afraid to do what you wanted to do regardless of a sense of social obligation.

"AS" - Why don't you just hang out at my apartment during the wedding and come to the reception?

DS - Because I know exactly what you will do. I bet before you're even two drinks into the evening you'll throw me under the bus for not going to the wedding in front of a bunch of our friends by using an elaborate ruse. You'll say something about how great it was when that lady sang that song and I'll agree without knowing that there was no lady that sang a song. You'll be making yourself look good and making me look like an ass at the same time and I am pretty sure you won't pass up that oportunity. If you to go to the wedding I almost have to go, if only to protect myself from humiliation later in the evening.

"AS" - So you'd be willing to do something you didn't want to do because you felt you had because of a social obligation?

DS - Alright, you win this round. I just wanted to understand your motivation and I now I do.

"AS" - Finally, after a 35 minute conversation.

DS - I'm a big enough man to admit when I've been beat in an argument. I will reluctantly attend the wedding ceremony.

"AS" Are you invited?

DS - No, but that doesn't really bother me.

Adventure, excitement, a Jedi craves not these things

I got such a positive reaction to my last post that I am going to post again this week. I won't be bitching this time, so I won't have to deal with the bullshit backlash from people that really have no reason to be reading this in the first place.

So, I watched most of the original Star Wars trilogy last weekend. Without paraphrasing Clerks too much I have to say that A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back are definitely the strong points of the trilogy. I like that the rebels are victorious in Return of the Jedi, but were the Ewoks really necessary? I mean the Empire has all of this bad ass technology and the Ewoks totally kick their asses with dumbass sticks and ropes. Why couldn't the rebels have done it without the help of those furry little bastards?

Quote of the day: Don't start something you can't finish. I have a good memory and I am fucking relentless. -Doug Schultz

Things that confuse and infuriate me

This post is going to be bitching and complaining. You know what gets my goat? When I have to rely on someone else to do a pretty insignificant and menial task in a completely reasonable period of time. You know why that gets my goat? Because 9 times out of 10 the task doesn't get finished. The second most annoying thing about a situation like this is when you inquire about the status of the task to the responsible party. This party is usually nearly unreachable by any form of communication. If by some chance they actually do return a phone call/email or if a miracle happens and they do their part and answer their phone/email, they always have one more excuse than what you can debunk. I am not a moron. I know that there isn't a good reason why you couldn't hold up you part of the bargain. In fact it doesn't even surprise me anymore, I'd be more surprised if you had pulled you head out of your ass and had done what you had agreed to do.

It would be like if the Phoenix Foundation had sent MacGyver to a dangerous Central American country to try to release some political prisoners and Pete Thorton forgot to submit the correct paperwork to actually get the getaway plane to the make shift runway on time. In that situation, MacGyver would be standing on an empty runway with all the freed hostages while a small battalion of soldiers were getting in rifle range. Can you think of all the crazy plans he'd have to come up with to squeeze out of that situation? That is actually a decent episode idea (discretely add to my MacGyver fan fiction idea folder). I actually strayed from my original point but you get the idea.

Here is another example. Remember at the end of Back to the Future when Doc Brown was setting up all of the wires that would run from the Hill Valley clock tower to the wire that the Delorean would catch to provide the flux capacitor with the necessary 1.21 gigawatts of electricity to send Marty back to 1985? Well a police officer sees what he is up to and asks about all the equipment. He nearly lifted up the tarp that was covering the Delorean. Doc explains that he is conducting a weather experiment and produces the proper permit. The cop goes about his merry way and everything turns out the way you remember. Think of what might have happened if Doc Brown had failed to do the paperwork to acquire the permit. Marty would have been stuck in 1955 until Doc could come up with another solution. You get the point. I'm annoyed because it is apparently a task of collosal proportions for someone to do what they agreed to do and submit some paperwork.

Quote of the day: "Don't touch that please, your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures."

Re-energized

Alright, I am really going to do a better job of updating this. Here is the latest news from your personal savior.

I started painting again. I finished a night scene of a cemetery titled "No Flowers." Sorry the picture kind of sucks. In all fairness I was holding my computer up and using the web cam to take it. I really need a digital camera.


Currently, I am working on something new that will hopefully turn out pretty bad ass. It is going to be a scarecrow tied to a cross with a fire red sunset in the background.

In other news, I saw Observe and Report last weekend. It wasn't exactly what I expected it to be. It was quite a bit darker than I would have thought from seeing the trailers. I think it addressed an interesting question. Will you cheer on the violent hero even if he/she is completely flawed and potentially more dangerous than any of the enemies? You really want to pull for Seth Rogan's character, but if you actually sit back and think about it he is a very unstable and dangerous individual. In some sense it reminded me of the movie Funny Games which tackled a similar question.

I'm unveiling a new feature and it is going to be the quote of post (lets be realistic, I won't update this everyday). The quote of the day will probably reflect what kind of mood I am in on that particular day or at that particular time. If anyone either reads this or can deduce where the quote is from they will win a very insignificant prize.

"It would be nice if things could turn out right, turn out right yeah. Don't think I'll ever see the day."

Aqua Teen Hunger Force - "The Meat Zone"

I thought this was a good way to get this blog kicked off right. Meatwad seemingly gains the ability to see the future. It turns out he was eating caulk and a side effect was thinking you could see the future. Shake had some pretty decent lines and I'd say this episode is ATHF at its best. Dana Snyder who voices Master Shake has an entertaining podcast called Ken P.D. Snydecast with Ken Plume at http://www.quickstopentertainment.com/ that I highly recommend.

First post

Alright, this blog is basically going to be me commenting and reviewing various movies and TV. I am not a giant film geek so if you're expecting references to 1950's Italian films you won't find them here.

There are very few movies that I cannot tolerate. I can usually take something positive away from just about any movie I see. Believe it or not, I even find Waterworld watchable. I am a big fan of Kevin Smith. I also enjoy the way that Richard Kelly tells a story. If you think that Armageddon was a great movie, I do not trust your opinion and would not take your advice on movies.

On the TV front, I am a huge Lost fan. Scrubs is another favorite of mine. Additionally, I enjoy the Office, House, Dexter, Married...with Children, Unhappily Ever After, Seinfeld and the list could go on and on.